As soon as I say "no more" I suddenly have a lot to think about. Well, no. Nothings' really changed. Except me. I've just found myself thinking a great deal more than I have been in recent months. Things like my ADD and how it should be dealt with, bipolar bear and why I think it's all wrong. I worry constantly about my friends and all the mistakes I think they're making, as though I'm some kind of pillar of wisdom. The one person I feel I have some kind of right or obligation to worry about, Gosia (I often feel I'm overstepping some sort of boundary by worrying about others), I worry about very little because despite bad luck in the career department, being stuck at home, and her smoking, she seems to have it together better than any of us. If anyone's going anywhere without my help, it's her. And she's my girlfriend of over 5 years. What the hell does that mean?
I had a dream I pulled out my last three teeth last night. I was worrying about Jeff before bed. I'm terrified he's just going to fall in love with the next crazy manipulative bitch he meets and get hurt again. I'm almost dead certain he will. He never saw through Sue's bullshit (oh man and if I ever get a chance to say all the things i've always wanted to say to her....). It's only been a month and he's on like he's been healing for a year. I don't want to say all things happen for a reason cause it would naturally follow that there's some kind of preordained plan, which I certainly don't agree with. But I definitely think there's something to be learned from everything. I've learned quite a bit from Jeff's relationship history. I've always been right there with him to some degree. But I wonder how much education he's really had... Could I have learned more being that I'm in a more objective position? Can we ever be objective about ourselves?
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