May 05, 2004

title

maybe i should just go play counterstrike. i could play it for hours at a time without worrying. at least i'm good at that.

it could be worse. i spent my evening on a comfortable leather couch with my beautiful and loving girlfriend drinking decent beer and watching a movie. it seems like a lot of people would really envy a guy for a night like that. i know i would.

so why am i still so unhappy?

school is certainly a huge part of it. i really want out. i want it out of my life. i want a day job with a night hobby and a steady income with no worries. i want daily stresses that don't matter. i want to be able to resolve conflicts with my parents by hanging up the phone. i'm tired of being a little kid.

dear god am i miserable.

i have such a hard time telling the truth. i so deperately want to be liked. even if it means lying to people all the time. some would call this selling out. i'd have to agree with them. why must i always pretend to be amused and laugh at their bad jokes. i'm so sick of it all the day-to-day bullshit. maybe if i go just be myself and speak my mind without guilt or worry every day, i wouldn't mind being at rowan.

i'll probably oversleep my final tommorow. luna will end up calling me, getting me out of bed, and i'll be subconciously mad at him all day for saving my ass and being the responsible adult i wish i could be.

it has been suggested that i should go put on automatic for the people. the whole album. and not fall asleep. i think i may take his advice.

isn't anyone else screaming for a little more adventure and excitement in their lives? Or am i crazy?

Posted by John.H at May 5, 2004 11:27 PM
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Posted by: John at May 10, 2004 02:56 AM

i completely agree with you, john. luckily i will be out of the educational system in a few weeks, and then i get started on that whole living thing. this summer i'm going on 2 awesome trips, and that has given me something to look forward to...that and all the time i'm going to have to do things that have nothing to do with college. i'm excited that i can read some books and go to the movies. maybe get drunk without having to worry about an exam in the morning.

i think everyone is entering this new phase... we are slowly becoming "young adults." that sounds like someting out of an afterschool special, but whatever. we all are on the brink of getting our shit together.

jump on our bandwagon! one of these days we'll get somewhere good.

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Posted by: caraman at May 7, 2004 12:08 PM

i could write out something, but you summed up my feelings almost exactly so....ditto? This past semester has been the worst one yet, the family is going to flip when the grades start rolling in.....yeah thats going to be fun conversations to have, so why did you fail these classes?.....sigh

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