This whole "personal journal" thing has become rather boring. It's much more fun to post something to the scrabbled.
Man... the hell with this sensitive bullshit.
This is the fourth day in a row I've woken up before 8am. I'm tired all fucking day and I fall asleep by 10pm. This is nuts. I got old overnight.
I spent all of yesterday reading harry potter and the goblet of fire instead of going to work. No one was going cause of the tiny amount of snow so I wasn't about to be the only one there, bored and alone.
I thought I had more to talk about but I guess I don't.
It's been almost a month since I've last posted. Suffice to say, I've been avoiding my computer, my adderall, my books, and basically anything that has anything to do with any work of any form.
I just watch movies. Lots of movies.
And I play animal crossing, which I got gosia a copy of for christmas along with a gamecube to play it on. And I'd thought I'd played it out... silly me... It's quite possible I'm even more obsessed now than I was before. And cara's in our town, now, too, so gos and I have a new person to write letters to.
So what if I haven't recorded very much or done a lot of work on the new scrabbled or any worthwhile logo design or prep work for substudio6. IT'S MY GODDAM WINTER BREAK AND I'M SUCKING UP EVERY LAST SECOND OF IT.
with a straw.
and some whiskey.
lots of whiskey.
Bipolar Bear is probably the only work-type thing I've put any effort towards and that's mostly because of all the things I want to do, it's the most fun and rewarding. It's amazing how quickly everything is coming together, too, so I leave every Saturday excited about next week, as opposed to dreading working on it later.
I definitely will not be ready to go back to school when it's time to go back, though. I'm loving this alliteratively lazy life far too much. Got 18 credits next semester so it's going to be just as hectic as last. I can't wait. No. Really. I can't. Seriously.
Someone buy me some more whiskey. I'm all out. Being sober is far too boring. And often difficult in social situations. I find myself thinking all the time and never actually speaking when I'm sober. This works during the semester when thinking is something that needs to be done. But thinking can wait. Now is the time for drunken revelry. Now is the time for loud music and karaoke. And gossip. And gas stations. And diners. Now is the time for fainting on the bathroom floor and hitting my head really hard and then getting a concussion and throwing up.
Or something.
God, my head hurts...
The world is turning upside down as it does every so often. Things are changing quickly. It's exciting. And scarey. I still haven't decided whether I should hibernate away through it, waiting for things to settle down or run head first and get all fucked up in it. In the five plus years I've been with gosia, there's still one thing I haven't quite gotten used to: having something to lose.
BUT WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS:
What distinguishes a statemant that warrants and eventually receives a response from one that doesn't? It seems to be a secret many people know and have not clued me in on, those bastards. Conversation becomes very difficult when everything you say can only be answered with a nod or an "oh." It makes me sad to see a post with little to no comments. It's worse than a flat out rejection. Should I say something then someone responds by telling me what a crass idiot I am, I'd at least be happy knowing how they felt. At least the cared enough to let me know. This silence, keep-me-guessing stuff... it really doesn't do anyone any good, now does it? No progress is made. The thought or idea expressed is presented and left floating away nebulous and transparent where it will eventually be forgotten, having been denied the honor of discussion. And we're left standing there, wondering what to say next.
So what do I say next?