hutch :: journal

Error

Recently I.ve become rather distressed. It.s something to do with the topic in class, computers and work, but only brushing it lightly. I got into web design and programming almost seven years ago. I was attracted, not by any academic or social motives, but by the potential for a new art form. I saw it as a new, incredibly vast and completely unexplored medium for artistic expression. I'd make Andy Warhol blush. And for a while I was heading in that direction.

But then I got good. New web languages came out and I gobbled them out and spit them back out all over my domain name. I was making more pages in less time and I even started making a bit of money doing it to. And then the art stopped. My focus switched. I was so tuned in to learning all these new languages and building huge new social applications and programs using state of the art design practices and I got completely lost in it. I fell in love with the code. It didn.t matter what I was making, it was all about the code. To put this in perspective: in my mind, it's the basic equivalent of a writer falling in love with his or her pen. or worse: making their own, spending hours developing newer, more efficient means of ink-to-paper delivery systems. Automatic ink-saving features! Quicker refills! Less Upkeep!

I fell in love with my pen.

A Close Relative

Spring Break

I would realistically like to be...

• someone who would rather study or learn something new instead over playing video games and reading online journals
• less flakey. A LOT less flakey. And I don't mean my scalp.
• as organized in the real world as my harddrive is
• a dean's list student (but still have a social life)
• a confident business man who doesn't quell at quoting prices to people but still doesn't come off as an egomaniacal prick.
• a pianist good enough to accompany a decent jazz band or lead family sing alongs
• a guitarist good enough to sound good without 20 effects pedals
• able to adequately express myself verbally instead of stuttering and saying things I don't mean cause I couldn't think of anything else to say
• able to motivate myself without adderall
• fluent in polish, enough so to read and appreciate polish poetry and know when gosia's parents are making fun of me
• the kind of father my kid's friends like, but not because I let them smoke weed in my house (someday)
• able to survive in the wilderness (you never know....)
• have my life's work written about in college textbooks. Or maybe just googled from time to time.
• able to completely set up and run a unix server to run my whole house on, complete with a media server and voice-active commands from anywhere ("computer. has rod updated his journal today?")
• a cook who can make delicious food without needing a recipe. Especially food that used to live in the ocean.

my mom is friggin' mean

so i shaved. it was unplanned, of course, like every time i shave my beard. trimmed a bit too close and FUCK. gotta shave it off.

then i washed my hair. with shampoo. i don't do that too often, reason being that my hair grows in volume by about 800%. today was no different, only it made me rather aware of the fact that my naturally-occuring mullet had grown back. so i got a haircut.

brittany says i'm trying to look emo. mom laughed at me till she was red in the face. for, like, 10 minutes. it sucked. so now i'm feeling incredably self-concious and wishing i hadn't lost my squaresoft hat a few semester's back. mom now realizes she was a mean bitch and is trying to make up for it by buying me shirts from cottonfactory. britt will then, inevitably, say i look even more emo.

i can't win.

in other news, school sucks. none of my classes are at all interesting and i'm struggling to stay involved. i bombed a few tests which were a huge wake up call and now i'm being all hyper-responsible and super-scheduling my weeks out for maximum-efficiency and other such hyphenated jargon.

tonight is quizott's night with tedly, gosia, jeff, nick,manda, Luna, and whomever else i call between now and 9. i was excited. about 15 minutes ago. before my family made fun of me. now i must find a hat. and grow a beard. quickly.