failure
success
being disliked
being liked
being well known
being anonymous
planes with bombs
men with bombs
self-propelled bombs
candle-stick bowling balls
car crashes
plane crashes
computer crashes
stock market crashes
unemployment
employment
my boss
my coworkers
my work
my commute
getting run over
running over animals
my pets dying
my family dying
my friends dying
my idols dying
republicans living
replublicans
americans
the world
i can't help it
i can't
sex
drugs
rock and roll
dishonesty
insincerity
politics
religion
religious people
other people
other places
other ideas
myself
Gosia's cat, Sasha, died last night. She was 13 years old and quite the queen of cats. She could only be described as regal.
Sasha first cat I ever loved and the only cat that would actually come say hi to me when I arrived. She will be very dearly missed.
"The world is like a ride in an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time and they begin to question, is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, "Hey - don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride..." And we... kill those people.
"We have a lot invested in this ride. Shut him up. Look at my furrows of worry. Look at my big bank account and my family. This just has to be real." Just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok. But it doesn't matter because: It's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money. A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money that we spend on weapons and defences each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace. Thank you very much, you've been great."
--Bill Hicks
Just got back from DC after spending today at the March for Women's Lives with Gosia. I got the greatest souvenir. From what Whoopi said, it was the largest march ever amassed in history.
Cool.
So This was the first march/protest/action/political even I've ever been to. Not that I haven't had any opprotunities, I'm just far too pessimistic about the consequences. I figured today would either rebuke this attitude or be an affirmation of it. I was definitely hoping for the former, but for the most part it was the latter. Some lifers showed and stood around looking sad, many with signs that say "I regret my abortion." This, in particular, pissed me off quite a bit; that these women believe that since they made mistakes in their lives no one else should be allowed the chance to make the same mistakes.
But I digress. I can see the effect such a march might have in the 60's civil rights movment, for example. It was such a shake-up. People forced to ignore the problem were being rattled. But no one's ignoring the abortion issue. The lifers showed up, stood solemnly, and no matter how many dirty hippies shout obscenities at them, they're not gonna change their minds. And they're certainly not gonna change ours. We, as a nation, have reach an impass. Marching isn't going to change any minds. Which is actually why I'm pro-choice. Laws cannot be drafted to regulate a subject of such national ambivalence. (*AHEM* drug war...)
Mostly, today served two purposes for me:
1.) Backing me off my cynicism a bit. Yeah, I know this entry's pretty cynical itself, but it was really nice seeing all those people of all ages, races, religions, everything joined in a common cause of freedom of choice. Gives me some hope.
2.) Sheer amusement. Nothing exceptionally wacky, but plenty to look at every where you look. I'd have liked a high rise bleacher seat for a few hours.
In other news, weed continues to be incredably unfriendly to me. I fear I may have to give it up. After the march, we went to a friend of Tom's who was having a bbq/poker game. A honey-blunt was passed around and I ignored my better judgements because such things have become quite a rarity for me. Then I spent the next two or three hours obsessing over why everyone hated me and what sort of awful things they were thinking about me. To calm down, it took half the car ride back to Jersey (Gos driving, worry not) of good music and zero conversation and a stop at the Deleware rest stop Roy Rogers/Cinnabun (or is it in Maryland?) we've all come to know and love.
What I'd like to know is why this seems to happen to so many people over time. Is it that THC starts to affect us differently? Have we smoked up the fun parts of the brain? Or is it just that as we grow older we grow less social and more worried? That the THC just amplifies our preexisting paranoia?
Whatever, Ima go put on the new Regina Spektor (link goes to streaming songs from previous album). For the 5th time today. Gosia and I listened to the whole album straight through on the car ride up from DC and were hooked. I'll prolly upload some songs to the scrabbled tommorow. I hate to use the word, but her music is just plain clever. So many little things that jump out and make you laugh or catch some weird emotion. And she doesn't make you listen to closely for them, either. With everything so stripped down, it's all in your face.
"Spektor, more than anything, wants to be surprised by music - and believes that real music fans do, too . . . 'I want really intelligent lyrics and, even if I'm not writing actual punk songs, at least songs with a punk attitude. I want songs that surprise you, songs that sometimes are purposefully annoying.'"
At least it sure felt like it. Gos and I went out to lunch with Bill and Maggie to P.F. Changs in Marlton. SO GOOD. ohhh so good. my goodness. We ate like kings. And queens. Then we went to the apple store right across the way. Bough some stuff. For someone. Can't say what yet. Cause it's a gift. Then Ice Cream. Then the dog store. On such a beautiful day.... I really couldn't have thought of a better way to spend the afternoon.
As an early birthday present, Gosia bought me finches! A Society Finch and a Brown Wing Minnitern, named Stevie and Isaac, both named after scientists I consider particularly genius. I took a picture, but they had a fairly traumatic day and they were rather skittish. Poor Stevie took a few smacks against a window while the pet store jack-ass tried to get him in a box. Lost some tail feathers, too. But I'm keeping a sharp eye on him for any favored legs or wings for signs of broken bones and putting extra calcium in their feed.
Simon seemed to warm up to them right quick. I wasn't about to let him go in the cage with them, for fear of pet-store disease and what have you, so he just sat on top of the cage talking to them. Of course... he was talking to them in his learned English, not realizing that finches speak only in Bird. But it's ok cause it was frightfully cute to watch him.
Supposedly finches enjoy being in rather large packs of 5 or 7 or 29,000, but we'll see how it goes with just two for now.
I've got to go make some herb salad and crush some orange rinds for them now.
Oh, yeah... Kill Bill Vol. II? Like whoah.
