Saw Farenheit 9/11 over the weekend. I'd post on it, but I already did on the scrabbled. Read the discussion if you haven't already.
The rules are: bold what you've seen all the way through; italicize what you've seen part of; underline what you own; add three of your own.
01. Trainspotting
02. Shrek
03. M
04. Dogma
05. Strictly Ballroom
06. The Princess Bride
07. Love Actually
08. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings
09. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
10. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
11. Reservoir Dogs
12. Desperado
13. Swordfish
14. Kill Bill Vol. 1
15. Donnie Darko
16. Spirited Away
17. Better Than Sex
18. Sleepy Hollow
19. Pirates of the Caribbean
20. The Eye
21. Requiem for a Dream
22. Dawn of the Dead (original)
23. The Pillow Book
24. The Italian Job
25. Goonies
26. Baseketball
27. The Spice Girls Movie
28. Army of Darkness
29. The Color Purple
30. The Saftey of Objects
31. Can't Hardly Wait
32. Mystic Pizza
33. Finding Nemo
34. Monsters Inc.
35. Circle of Friends
36. Mary Poppins
37. The Bourne Identity
38. Forrest Gump
39. A Clockwork Orange
40. Kindergarten Cop
41. On The Line
42. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
43. Final Destination
44. Sorority Boys
45. Urban Legend
46. Cheaper by the Dozen
47. Fierce Creatures
48. Dude, Where's My Car?
49. Ladyhawke
50. Ghostbusters
51. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
52. Back to the Future
53. An Affair To Remember
54. Somewhere In Time
55. North By Northwest
56. Moulin Rouge
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
58. The Wizard of Oz
59. Zoolander
60. A Walk to Remember
61. Chicago
62. Fight Club
63. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
64. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
65. Secretary
66. Amelie
67. He loves me, he loves me not
68. The Mummy
69. Gone With the Wind
70. The Hours
71. American Beauty
72. Down With Love
73. Ma Vie en Rose
74. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
75. 2 Fast 2 Furious
76. Some Like It Hot
77. Star Wars
78. Waking Life
79. Orange County
80. The Producers
81. Blazing Saddles
82. To Be or Not to Be
83. But I'm a Cheerleader
84. Lost and delirious
85. Rocky Horror Picture Show
86. The Lion King
87. The Truman Show
88. Titanic
89. Amadeus
90. Arsenic and Old Lace
91. The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
92. Hedwig and the Angry Inch
93. Empire of the Sun
94. The Life of Brian
95. Frequency
96. The Transporter
97. American Outlaws
98. Hannibal
99. Pretty Woman
100. Wild Things
101.Lolita
102.Jurassic Park
103.Fistful of Dollars
104. Magnolia
105. GoodfFellas
106. The Royal Tenenbaums
107. Monster Squad
108. Buffalo66
109. Live Forever
110. Dune
111. Bladerunner
112. Aliens
113. Thirteen
114. saved!
115. mean girls
116. Pi
117. Tetsuo the Iron Man
118. City of Lost Children
electroclash - What the fuck? To 99.999% of the populous, this wasn't even a valid genre of music six months ago. Now all the sudden it's dead and OH how great was it when it was around. Fuck you, you hipster sack of shit. And while I've got your attention, terricloth/elastic wrist bands weren't cool in the 80's and they haven't aged well, either.
A nice weekend bender and a day spent on the couch recovering. I'm pretty sure i got up no more than 5 times once i got myself planted today. i can almost hear my life wasting away while my waist expands.
clients are mad at me, i haven't been to or dealt with school or school related stuff since finals. I've got a ticket i've got to pay and i've got to call my insurance company and tell them not to cancel me cause that first accident was documented as the other guy's fault.
gotta get simon's wings clipped before he takes off.
gotta go to bed at a regular hour.
gotta hear the new wilco and the new sonic youth. and listen to a lot more of the walkmen. cause they're awesome.
it was weird how unwilling i was to go back into my bedroom. i could have easily spent the day in my room doing the same shit, only more, but i dunno. my room's a cave. it traps me. once i'm in here it's harder than hell to get out.
i wanna go camping but it seems every weekend there's some reason not to. bill will be home this weekend and for this i am excited.
i'm still gainfully unemployed. what does that mean, anyway? gainfully unemployed. how is it different from being ungainfully unemployed. or gainfully employed. i suppose i could be the latter. i don't really know. i suppose i could look it up. but i don't really care. and i know maggie will tell me anyhow.
i'm definitely broke.
the second night of drummin' fest i fell asleep outside. i was completely covered in clothing or coat or blanket or whatever except for my wrists and hands which are now completely covered in mosquito bites. i've counted 14. rad.
this wednesday starts the first week of the quizott's tourny. WE. SHALL. PREVAIL.
i wish there was more harry potter cause hogwart's is way cooler than township. those three days i spent reading book 5 were some good times, man. does that make me really uncool?
i downloaded a bunch of great stoner flicks or potentially great stoner flicks. Then i remember that weed just makes me hate myself for a few hours. and then i remembered i don't have any anyhow. but i still kept the movies. just in case.
i definitely didn't sleep much last night, what with the mosquitos and the vomitting. i really should be way tired. i think i might be. but i have this thing were i avoid sleep in favor of entertainment. i will stave off bed as long as possible so long as i've got something to do. going to bed is giving in to boredom. and who can ever be bored with a fast computer and a broadband connection. NOT ME!
isn't it odd how you can still miss someone you see every single day? eh, that's love for you, i guess.
I'm working on a mix -- one of those emotive mixes we all like to make from time to time that expressed our particular mood or feeling at the moment. all i've got on this one so far is the stokes' "Is this it", the walkmen's "the rat", the deftones' "be quiet and drive" (the album version), and the boss' "kitty's back". i doubt there's much readable in just those four tracks... it'd be curious to read what your guess might be. but suffice to say, they're three songs i'd like to put on after a three day bender that i don't want to end yet.
Death Cab's "A Lack of Color" just came on (via iTunes shuffle); it forced one those closed-eye sighs while i got goosebumps from head to toe. i think i'm gonna go lie down now.
When I look at my life I see a fork in the road and I'm standing right in the middle of it. One road leads to the family life, something I'd never imagined wanting until I met Gos. The other is what I guess I'd call the spiritual road; that is, one of self-discovery and self-experession; chasing my dreams, regardless of the outcome. The problem is that of choice. Of blacks and whites. My dad has always said there's no gray with me, and he's right. I'm hoping in time I can prove him wrong cause I'm finding the two road irreconcilable.
I'm probably just blowing things out of proportion but I really feel a sense of urgency about this all. Last semester was terrible. I don't want to go back. But if I want a family with Gosia, I don't want to be a drag on her. I don't want to be some kind of lazy, deadbeat Dad that Gos has to support in addition to the kids. No one wants to be that guy. So college is the thing. I can't go soul searching. I can't focus on starting my life and moving forward till I get this bullshit out of the way. And then what? If I'm gonna have kids I don't want to be a geezer father that can't relate to them. That gives me only a few short years to be my own man. And it's not like college is about the job or the drive for knowledge any more. It's just a bigger salary and more job opprotunities.
Finish school, get a boring 9-5 programming job in an office = salary to support wife and kids.
Don't finish school, try to make it in the creative world = bum.
Then regret comes in. Will a regret chosing one road or the other? Will I end up resenting Gosia and our kids 10, 15 years down the line? Will I end up getting fed up and leaving and becoming a real deadbeat dad? What if I don't go that route... will I ever stop thinking about the girl and the life I destroyed on some ill-conceived idea about somehow "making it"? I doubt it. I'd have to be a masochist to take that road. But it's still there, staring me in the face.
So the question I'm left asking myself over and over and over is: How do i reconcile these two different people I want to be?
I can't be alone in this. I know there's gotta be someone reading going through or that has gone through the same shit, right?
yeah, so it's 6:05 am and i'm still up. after quizzott's, i spent the better part of my evening sitting around reading and listening to jazz. that would be far more than enough for most people, but not me. my insomnia is raging hard this morning despite all my best efforts.
i have to admit, though, i wasn't trying to make myself sleepy. i just really wanted to listen to jazz (1950-1970 bop and cool jazz era -- my new obsession) and read. I was playing video games for a bit, but they were all getting on my nerves and, as it is, i get tired of things. i can only take so much repetition, tedium, and mother fucking disc load delay.
So i shut off the PS2, put on coltrane and, afterwards, bill evans' moon beams, and I really couldn't have thought of a better way to spend the wee hours of the morning. coltrane's "A Love Surpeme" is quickly becoming one of my favorite albums of all time. if i might indulge in a little mental masterbation, the phrasing during coltrane's first solo run during "acknowledgement" is fucking erotic it's so inventive. And while melodically i've always been more a fan of the modal experimentation he did with miles on kinda blue, tonight i was really getting it. "digging" it, even. ya dig, hep cat?
so anyway, i'm sitting here at 6:15 am, sipping on a bottle of some kinda red wine, being serenaded by simon, the finches, and ella fitzgerald, and waiting to get sleepy or drunk enough to not care.
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i broke out the old typewriter a few hours ago. i thought maybe it might inspire some kind of creativity or some shit. the idea was that perhaps the computer is too distracting and i should find another medium (and i hate pen/paper. it hurts). alas, i forgot that typewriters fucking suck. they're slow, they're noisy, they make me hit return to get to the next line, and they're slower than balls. i'm not even gonna get into erasing shit on a previous line. or hell, even being able to see a previous line unless it's ten or more lines previous.
suffice to say, it didn't work. i typed up a few pages of mindless drivel; nothing any better than what's written here. I quickly gave up. there is a bright side to the whole sordid affair: the satisfaction of physically crumpling up my bullshit effort. it's so much more satisfying than click-dragging a little picture of paper to a little picture of a trash can.
so that last mouthful of cork should probably be my signal to go to bed, but my knee is still bopping around like a toddler the day after halloween, so i can't imagine sleep will come very easily.
might as well give it a shot.